About a 7 minute read.
Radical. adjective. relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something. advocating or based on thorough research, social change. representing or supporting an extreme.
Forgive. verb. stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake. cancel a debt. used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one’s foibles, ignorance or impoliteness.
Aphiemi. greek. literally means to let go off, or to pardon. ceasing to feel resentment toward him because of his offense AND GIVING UP ALL CLAIM TO RECOMPENSE.
I first heard the term ‘radical forgiveness’ when I watched this super dope YouTube clip about being unfuckwithable by Vishen Lakhiani. When I first saw the title for the video, I thought it was a joke. I clicked on it totally prepared to laugh. Then I saw that Mr. L was the founder and CEO of Mindvalley which is an educational company and figured this clip was about to get real. And it did.
The whole tone of the talk is that forgiveness is a personal thing. And it’s necessary to reach the ultimate level of unfuckwithability . Radical forgiveness suggests forgiving everything and everyone not necessarily to pardon them… but to excuse yourself and release any negative emotions so that you can be at peace. And to do so without any exceptions whatsoever.
There are multiple studies that have done that actually show physical improvements and a change in brain chemistry when a person is focused on forgiveness. You can learn more about the health benefits from the Mayo Clinic.
Also, a large part of radical forgiveness is forgiving yourself. He and other sources suggest that many people are actually held back by the way they feel about themselves even after radically forgiving other people. We have to understand that if our view of ourselves is negative, we cannot push forward. We cannot truly progress. Materials will constantly disappoint us even though that is what most people lean towards to amplify self-worth. Other people’s compliments won’t reach our hearts if we don’t feel good about ourselves. We have to understand that we are enough. We are worthy. Mr. L’s peer Marisa explains it wonderfully and has a simple solution.
Just start telling yourself that you’re enough. Write it in notebooks. Make it your screensaver. Use a dry erase marker to put it on all the mirrors in your home. Post it on your refrigerator. Just constantly remind yourself. Use it as an affirmation. Through that repetition, you’ll start to believe it and other things will start to fall into place.
To delve even deeper, it really helps to go back to the source or the cause of any negative emotions you have towards yourself or any grudges you may be holding. Process those events and feelings and then forgive where necessary.
She also explains that knowing you’re enough doesn’t mean that you have no room to grow. It’s not equivalent to being perfect. It’s more so realizing that you deserve to love yourself the way you are while constantly evolving. That it’s acceptable for you to love the process, the progress and every new form of you. This can only be done if you ignore what others say about you.
Everyone has their own way to live and they’re entitled to their own opinion but we take all things said about us and our character as a suggestion and nothing more.
Another great point made, which is also very much the center of The Wisdom Of Insecurity, is that we need to live in this moment and this moment only. Which technically is the only option. But that’s another conversation.
Staying in the present is a powerful form of biohacking. We all need inner space and a few moments of mindfulness each day. The way western culture is set up these days doesn’t really allow for that to happen. We are constantly told we need to focus and obsess over the future. We are taught to plan meticulously and work hard with no breaks and no sleep if we want to be successful. Ironically, since the inception of this idealistic way of living, anxiety and depression have also been steadily rising.
Another way to develop radical forgiveness is through empathy.
“Empathy is one of the greatest forms of intelligence.”
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Try to think about why the people that hurt you, hurt you. Maybe they were going through a very tough time and projected their feelings on to you. Perhaps they suffer from a mental illness and have little control over their emotions and actions. Or maybe they simply didn’t know any better, which is often the case when it comes to abuse.
Having a why behind the action can help you put your feet in someone else’s shoes. With that empathy, forgiveness comes.
So this post was pretty jam packed with information. If you get a chance I really encourage checking out the links and learning more.
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And as always, stay golden. Rose golden.